Feb.01.2008
3:42 pm
by Stix1972 (R-IL) (VRWC)
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
________________________________
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting
a rest.
________________________________
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.
______________________________
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
________________________________
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.
________________________________
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
________________________________
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
________________________________
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.
________________________________
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
________________________________
A thief fell into wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
________________________________
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
________________________________
We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
________________________________
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
________________________________
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on
it.
______________________________
The geology professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.
________________________________
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
________________________________
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
________________________________
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
________________________________
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
________________________________
A will is a dead giveaway.
________________________________
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
________________________________
A backward poet writes inverse.
________________________________
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your
Count that votes.
________________________________
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
________________________________
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
________________________________
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
________________________________
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat
miner.
________________________________
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
________________________________
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
________________________________
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.
________________________________
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
________________________________
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
________________________________
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
________________________________
A calendar’s days are numbered.
________________________________
A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
________________________________
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
________________________________
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
________________________________
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
________________________________
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
________________________________
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
________________________________
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine .
________________________________
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
________________________________
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
________________________________
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
________________________________
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Sphere: Related ContentFiled in Fun Friday Funnies |
