// Grizzly Groundswell

Massachusetts seems to have set off a national debate on the use of corporal punishment with its proposed legislation to ban the practice. State representative Jay Kaufman who is presenting the bill on behalf of the Arlington nurse who first proposed it says of the bill,

We need to have a serious public conversation, not about spanking - that isn’t what this is about - but where people cross the line and are abusing their children. WBZTV

I am not against public discussion. But I fail to see why a law is necessary in order to discuss a topic. Normally, the discussion occurs before the passage of the law. Child abuse laws already exist, and somehow I doubt true abuse will stop simply because of a ban on spanking. If the report is correct that under this legislation “parents could be charged with abuse or neglect for forcefully laying a hand on their child unless they are trying to wrest that child from danger,” then it is very much about spanking and not just the line where it becomes abuse.

Ironically, representative Kaufman does not seem particularly keen on sharing his own child rearing philosophy. According to Jessica Heslam of the Boston Herald, he went on a talk show Wednesday morning where he was asked if he had spanked his own children.

It’s none of your **** business. Boston Herald

I am not sure if this is attributable to arrogance on the part of the representative or ignorance of what he is proposing, but he does not sound like the best person to be putting this legislation on the table.

I know there are some people who are very passionate against spanking. Beth of A Mama’s Musings and Meditations, for example, says she is considering moving to Massachusetts to show her support if the bill passes.

And make no mistake blog reader, whether I do it or you do it, physically hitting, slapping, smacking, spanking is abuse. If a man or woman did it to another grown person they could be arrested but if we do it to our children it’s fine. If a husband whipped his wife with a belt, we would be all up in arms but if he whips his child with the same belt - we turn a blind eye and call it discipline.

I do understand the sentiment, but I have a problem with the overuse of the word abuse to label every parenting practice we disagree with. Yes, child abuse is horrific. It leaves lasting physical and emotional scars on children that will never be erased. Regardless of how you feel about it, however, a swat on the fingers or on the behind will not. It may or may not be the best parenting practice in any given situation, but that does not make the act abuse nor does it make the parent a child abuser.

Now let’s put this in perspective. Take a normal spanking. Not a situation that truly does test the boundaries, but a typical swat well within what the majority of Americans would accept as routine. The kind of swat a good many of us grew up with, and some of us attribute to our fine upstanding character.

And then imagine the horror of that child being removed from his parents and placed in protective custody. Because make no mistake about it, removal from the home is one of the worst acts of abuse that can be done to a child. Abused children are not thankful for their “rescue.” They have nightmares about it. They run away and try to go home. They cry for mommy. They wonder what they did wrong.

There are times when it is necessary because the danger in the home far outweighs the trauma of the removal. But regardless of how offensive you may find corporal punishment, it is nothing in comparison to the trauma of waking up in a stranger’s home and not knowing where your mommy is or when you will see her again. Not to mention the fact that far more child abuse goes on in foster homes than in the general population, despite the fact there is more state supervision and the fact that corporal punishment is generally not allowed with foster children.

By all means discuss spanking and alternative consequences for misbehavior. But let’s maintain a little perspective. (And please, if it is none of my business how a representative raised his children, what right does the state have to know any more of me?)

(Hat Tip: Radio Equalizer)

Crossposted from Principled Discovery